When u sit back and think and realize all that u have been thru, you began to notice that people before you have been through this and came out just fine. I like to envision the purpose of success in its greatest form. This is coming from someone that don't believe in a lot of things (even life itself) even when its right in front of him.
I never believed in father or male figures in my life until I reached my teens. I have quite a few uncles but never really had a great relationship with none of em except for one. The treatment was, I guess normal...but it was that I was lacking a father in my life....and they had their own lives to live.
When I reached about 15 or 16 years old I started to understand the roles my uncles played in my life. They didn't want to teach me what to do or tell me....instead they wanted to lead by example and for me to become a man, through tha actions of them.
That is a powerful lesson to impose upon a person that had no direct leadership from a man. And I honestly think that this is where I became more observant and watched people with a different eye.
I had an uncle named Kenneth, he drank a bit but he always had something to say. It doesn't matter if it was negative or positive...he gave it to you real. He lean on the "prove it" approach rather than the "I believe you" one. He wanted to see what a person had in them, their integrity....would it match with what they said or like the winds, would it jus blow passed us.
Kenneth was 1 or tha 2 "thuggish" uncles I had. He had gotten a 20 year sentence for murder and served 10 of the 20 years in penitentiary. I remember when he had gotten out and his 10 year probation was about to be met, we had a huge cook out for him. The ways we thought was, an accomplishment is an accomplishment...none the less. His case was in self defense but due to his image and stature, the judge wanted to send a warning.
When I was 15, I was introduced to the world of "hustling". Crack cocaine was very obtainable in the neighborhood and it came in vast amounts. You could wake up and feel the amount of confusion in the air just walking to the corner store. It was almost as if, people were zombies.
One of my cousins was making money fast and I was tired of wearing the same pairs of socks and shoes for months. Mentally in a place like that, priorities are blurred and the things that means the most...almost becomes that ticking in tha engine but u continue to drive the car anyway. I wanted to know how he made money and that was the worst question I could ever ask a person.
He showed me everything. I would get the blistex roll lip balm tubes and roll all tha lip balm out and replace it with "plastic". At that time I was considered just a kid and I had no absolute idea what I was doing but I was interested in the outcome and not the devastation. My uncle Kenneth had heard from people that I was "hustlin" and he approached me one day. He didn't do it like an uncle would but like an OG would. He walked up, beer in hand with a slight smirk on his face that represented both pride and let down, and said "ay nephew, lemme holla at ya". I can over and the epic part of this convo wasn't when he told me he knew, but when he gave me an option to be a man or boy.
He explained to me that I didn't have to do what I was attempting to do but also saying that it was my choice. His comparisons wasn't that of a convict, felon or drunk...but more so of a genius that hide his talents. In that conversation I zoned out and was almost emotionally detached from life itself. I was taken away by his verbiage and illustrations so much until I didn't ask not on question but listened for 30 minutes none stop.
Clearly he didn't want me taking a road that was obviously easy in tha area I was in, but wanted me to see the pro's and con's of what I do. You really don't think certain people play a role in your life at all but when u put things in perspective, u see that many people helped form you as a person. After that talk, I seen him in a different light. I respected him on a level that a college student would their professor. Then later that day, something happened that would change my life.
I was standing at the "block" next to the corner store. The block was a huge concrete square that we would all sit on watching the traffic that came in and out. Also we could see when cops came and could warned people that were in the back of the apartments. It was one way in out apartments and one way out. So really we controlled the mood of the day just sitting there. Even if you had nothing to do, you would just "post" up there and chill, laugh and talk.
As I sat their, I had about 5 blistex tubes in my pocket worth about 1800, police swooped in from the slide of the corner store. From that view, you couldn't really see who would be approaching. Their were three police cars (sheriff, they were the only cops that came to our apartments) and they all hopped out, guns drawn and all. It was about 4 people there with us, my cousin, brother and some random dudes. They had us all place our hands on the concrete except for my brother Tank (that's his nickname). Tank had so much respect to the point where if they were to disrespect him, they would lose that respect from people in that neighborhood....making their visits a little uncomfortable.
One of the cops came over to me as the others got my cousins and guys that were there with us. He asked me, "do you live here" and I said "yes", then he asked "do you have any weapons on you" and I said, "no". Clearly he didn't approach me wanting to know any of those things. I began to get a little nervous because I was only 15 and never had any run ins with police at that time. Then as he was asking the questions, he began to empty my pockets. He pulled out all 5 blistex tubes and put everything on the concrete slab in front of me. I had some money, gum, wallet and blistex tubes. He was looking for what was in those tubes but I guess he never thought to look. But, he did say "damn you must get real dry lip" and I was like "yes sir". Then he told us to leave the block and go home.
I decided at that moment that I didn't want to sell crack anymore. It was too much risk and I was on the path to be the first to graduate out of 5 of my mothers kids. Also, I didn't want to let my mother down. Later that night my uncle Kenneth seen me and told me to "come here". I came over where he was at, and while beer was in his right hand, he switched it into his left hand and hugged me with the right arm. He looked down at me with a smirk on his face and said that he got some barbecue waiting on me.
He understood what he was trying to tell me earlier, I had learned and he didn't have to worry about that anymore. He couldn't protect or warn me about everything...somethings he just had to show me a better way to do it even if it was wrong. That was proven years later. He taught me a lot indirectly and still to this day I appreciate him and everything he did. He was a person that I felt close to that I wasn't that close to. I absolutely regret to say that Kenneth Turk died of aids on December 12, 2009.
As I sat in San Jose Ca. on that day, I cried.
God put people in your life or path that will kind of pull that wheel slightly to the left or right....but they allow you to still have control.
(As I look to heaven) Unc, just like I spoke to you through my mom as u laid on your bed....hours before you died...you taught me how to hustle smart...and I can honestly say...its looks like its paying off.
Thank you!
Sunday, December 27
Thursday, December 3
12 O'Clock
You ever sit back and think to yourself that you are here for a reason. Not completely sure what that reason is, you just live day by day and scene by scene continually awaiting that moment of ahhhhh...that was it?
I find it interesting that when i thought my reason for being here was one thing...it wasnt because another "epic" situation made me feel the same way. At this point im lead to believe that i am here for multiple reasons and not just that one reason that embrace's you.
It was the end of my freshman year in highschool and instead of going to summer school, i went and stayed the summer with my uncle instead. He decided then that i should get a job and learn what its like to go to a 9 to 5 everyday. He had a friend that was the manager of this fastfood spot on the southeast side of houston called Whatabuger. I wasnt too pleased with the choice of place to work but i just wanted to make some money so that i could help my mother more. He stayed about 10 minutes away so on days that he couldnt take me, i would ride a bike he lent me. It was very hard making a transition from living in a drug infested area to spending a summer in a house that was paid for and having what you needed everyday.
One day while i was at work, i started to get this funny feeling. You know one of those feelings that you get when things around you just feel strange? Thats the feeling i had. My shift was 5pm to 3am and on this day i kept gettin that feeling constantly. So at around 10:30, i called my mother and told her about this feeling and she said "pray". So i began to send a couple prayers up while still on my break and then i clocked back in. Even when i clocked in, i still would pray every now and then. Then i got that feeling again, but this time it was more intense. So, i asked my manager at 11:30pm, "can i leave early tonight, i aint feelin too cool". He replied and said, "if you go down the call list and find someone to cover your time, u can". I found someone to come in and they said give them about 15 minutes. At this point its about 11:45 now. I clocked out and was sitting in tha lobby of the place. Not too many people were working that night. It was only an old man, 3 women and myself.
One of the women came into the lobby to wash tables and started talking to me. No one was in the lobby but her and i, no customers (the place is 24 hours entrance) at all. The conversation went from "how long u been working" to "how many guns she has had pointed at her head before". The feeling i had was still there and she made it worse with what she was telling me. I wasnt scared...i just didnt feel completely comfortable where i was at and soon i would find out why.
At 12 o'clock on the dot, as i was sitting by the exit door waiting on my uncle to pick me up...a man with a mask and gun busted throw the door. I froze for a minute because the entire day felt fake. I was the only person in the lobby at that point so smartly, he came right at me. The lady i was talking too, see him as he approached outside and she ran out the other door. With a pistol pointed in my face, the guy said, "this is a robbery, get on the ground". I was still just froze and then he took the pistol and stuck it in my face between my eye and nose and repeated himself. I snapped into reality and realized what was going on and went to the floor.
Facing down on the ground, he grabbed the collar of my shirt and was pulling me to the front of the cash register. I guess i wasnt moving fast enough because he started to kick me and say, "i aint playing, move or imma kill you". When he kicked me, i got upset and said, "hold up bruh" then he took the gun and stuck in the back of my head and i thought i was about to die. My mothers face appeared in front of me and then faces of each one of my family member...flash after flash.
He got me to the front of the register and started to round up my co-workers. He told them all to lay down on top of each other. I was there on the ground first so they laid on me and without even thinking, i pulled myself from the bottom and got on top. I thought that because they were in their 50's and 60's it would be harder for them to survive a shot appose to myself.
You could tell that the guy was rattled and didnt know what to do. He then told us to get up and walk to the freezer. On the way to the freezer, you have to pass through the kitchen and it was knives laying out and sharp things that could hurt him and thoughts of me grabbing something was very much alive. But, i remembered that the policy was, "let the robber get what he want and leave". Plus, i didnt want to put anyone else in danger. The guy was skinny and i could have easily hurt him with no problem but what he had in his hand was the issue.
We all went to the freezer, and he shut us in. He opened the door back up and said, "which one of you is the manager". He took her out and then the 1 lady left in there with us started to cry and pray to God out loud. I was still kind of stun so i had a blank look on my face. About 10 seconds later we heard a gun shot...we all jumped and the 1 lady dropped to the floor screaming. Then seconds later the manager opened the door and said, "he's gone, he's gone".
When he took the manager out, the lady that ran when he pulled up outside, was trying to look through the drive thru window to see what was going on...he took a shot at her and then ran. He never got any money, didnt even hurt no one, but what he did manage to do, was etch a bad moment in the minds of people that were there that day.
I think the reason im here, is to allow people to relate with me in some way. I have been through alot and i think God allowed me to live yet another time...so that i can share these stories with people to help them somehow.
So whatever you think you reason is, embrace it as quick as possible because the only thing thats constant...is change...and soon that reason will as well.
I find it interesting that when i thought my reason for being here was one thing...it wasnt because another "epic" situation made me feel the same way. At this point im lead to believe that i am here for multiple reasons and not just that one reason that embrace's you.
It was the end of my freshman year in highschool and instead of going to summer school, i went and stayed the summer with my uncle instead. He decided then that i should get a job and learn what its like to go to a 9 to 5 everyday. He had a friend that was the manager of this fastfood spot on the southeast side of houston called Whatabuger. I wasnt too pleased with the choice of place to work but i just wanted to make some money so that i could help my mother more. He stayed about 10 minutes away so on days that he couldnt take me, i would ride a bike he lent me. It was very hard making a transition from living in a drug infested area to spending a summer in a house that was paid for and having what you needed everyday.
One day while i was at work, i started to get this funny feeling. You know one of those feelings that you get when things around you just feel strange? Thats the feeling i had. My shift was 5pm to 3am and on this day i kept gettin that feeling constantly. So at around 10:30, i called my mother and told her about this feeling and she said "pray". So i began to send a couple prayers up while still on my break and then i clocked back in. Even when i clocked in, i still would pray every now and then. Then i got that feeling again, but this time it was more intense. So, i asked my manager at 11:30pm, "can i leave early tonight, i aint feelin too cool". He replied and said, "if you go down the call list and find someone to cover your time, u can". I found someone to come in and they said give them about 15 minutes. At this point its about 11:45 now. I clocked out and was sitting in tha lobby of the place. Not too many people were working that night. It was only an old man, 3 women and myself.
One of the women came into the lobby to wash tables and started talking to me. No one was in the lobby but her and i, no customers (the place is 24 hours entrance) at all. The conversation went from "how long u been working" to "how many guns she has had pointed at her head before". The feeling i had was still there and she made it worse with what she was telling me. I wasnt scared...i just didnt feel completely comfortable where i was at and soon i would find out why.
At 12 o'clock on the dot, as i was sitting by the exit door waiting on my uncle to pick me up...a man with a mask and gun busted throw the door. I froze for a minute because the entire day felt fake. I was the only person in the lobby at that point so smartly, he came right at me. The lady i was talking too, see him as he approached outside and she ran out the other door. With a pistol pointed in my face, the guy said, "this is a robbery, get on the ground". I was still just froze and then he took the pistol and stuck it in my face between my eye and nose and repeated himself. I snapped into reality and realized what was going on and went to the floor.
Facing down on the ground, he grabbed the collar of my shirt and was pulling me to the front of the cash register. I guess i wasnt moving fast enough because he started to kick me and say, "i aint playing, move or imma kill you". When he kicked me, i got upset and said, "hold up bruh" then he took the gun and stuck in the back of my head and i thought i was about to die. My mothers face appeared in front of me and then faces of each one of my family member...flash after flash.
He got me to the front of the register and started to round up my co-workers. He told them all to lay down on top of each other. I was there on the ground first so they laid on me and without even thinking, i pulled myself from the bottom and got on top. I thought that because they were in their 50's and 60's it would be harder for them to survive a shot appose to myself.
You could tell that the guy was rattled and didnt know what to do. He then told us to get up and walk to the freezer. On the way to the freezer, you have to pass through the kitchen and it was knives laying out and sharp things that could hurt him and thoughts of me grabbing something was very much alive. But, i remembered that the policy was, "let the robber get what he want and leave". Plus, i didnt want to put anyone else in danger. The guy was skinny and i could have easily hurt him with no problem but what he had in his hand was the issue.
We all went to the freezer, and he shut us in. He opened the door back up and said, "which one of you is the manager". He took her out and then the 1 lady left in there with us started to cry and pray to God out loud. I was still kind of stun so i had a blank look on my face. About 10 seconds later we heard a gun shot...we all jumped and the 1 lady dropped to the floor screaming. Then seconds later the manager opened the door and said, "he's gone, he's gone".
When he took the manager out, the lady that ran when he pulled up outside, was trying to look through the drive thru window to see what was going on...he took a shot at her and then ran. He never got any money, didnt even hurt no one, but what he did manage to do, was etch a bad moment in the minds of people that were there that day.
I think the reason im here, is to allow people to relate with me in some way. I have been through alot and i think God allowed me to live yet another time...so that i can share these stories with people to help them somehow.
So whatever you think you reason is, embrace it as quick as possible because the only thing thats constant...is change...and soon that reason will as well.
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