When u sit back and think and realize all that u have been thru, you began to notice that people before you have been through this and came out just fine. I like to envision the purpose of success in its greatest form. This is coming from someone that don't believe in a lot of things (even life itself) even when its right in front of him.
I never believed in father or male figures in my life until I reached my teens. I have quite a few uncles but never really had a great relationship with none of em except for one. The treatment was, I guess normal...but it was that I was lacking a father in my life....and they had their own lives to live.
When I reached about 15 or 16 years old I started to understand the roles my uncles played in my life. They didn't want to teach me what to do or tell me....instead they wanted to lead by example and for me to become a man, through tha actions of them.
That is a powerful lesson to impose upon a person that had no direct leadership from a man. And I honestly think that this is where I became more observant and watched people with a different eye.
I had an uncle named Kenneth, he drank a bit but he always had something to say. It doesn't matter if it was negative or positive...he gave it to you real. He lean on the "prove it" approach rather than the "I believe you" one. He wanted to see what a person had in them, their integrity....would it match with what they said or like the winds, would it jus blow passed us.
Kenneth was 1 or tha 2 "thuggish" uncles I had. He had gotten a 20 year sentence for murder and served 10 of the 20 years in penitentiary. I remember when he had gotten out and his 10 year probation was about to be met, we had a huge cook out for him. The ways we thought was, an accomplishment is an accomplishment...none the less. His case was in self defense but due to his image and stature, the judge wanted to send a warning.
When I was 15, I was introduced to the world of "hustling". Crack cocaine was very obtainable in the neighborhood and it came in vast amounts. You could wake up and feel the amount of confusion in the air just walking to the corner store. It was almost as if, people were zombies.
One of my cousins was making money fast and I was tired of wearing the same pairs of socks and shoes for months. Mentally in a place like that, priorities are blurred and the things that means the most...almost becomes that ticking in tha engine but u continue to drive the car anyway. I wanted to know how he made money and that was the worst question I could ever ask a person.
He showed me everything. I would get the blistex roll lip balm tubes and roll all tha lip balm out and replace it with "plastic". At that time I was considered just a kid and I had no absolute idea what I was doing but I was interested in the outcome and not the devastation. My uncle Kenneth had heard from people that I was "hustlin" and he approached me one day. He didn't do it like an uncle would but like an OG would. He walked up, beer in hand with a slight smirk on his face that represented both pride and let down, and said "ay nephew, lemme holla at ya". I can over and the epic part of this convo wasn't when he told me he knew, but when he gave me an option to be a man or boy.
He explained to me that I didn't have to do what I was attempting to do but also saying that it was my choice. His comparisons wasn't that of a convict, felon or drunk...but more so of a genius that hide his talents. In that conversation I zoned out and was almost emotionally detached from life itself. I was taken away by his verbiage and illustrations so much until I didn't ask not on question but listened for 30 minutes none stop.
Clearly he didn't want me taking a road that was obviously easy in tha area I was in, but wanted me to see the pro's and con's of what I do. You really don't think certain people play a role in your life at all but when u put things in perspective, u see that many people helped form you as a person. After that talk, I seen him in a different light. I respected him on a level that a college student would their professor. Then later that day, something happened that would change my life.
I was standing at the "block" next to the corner store. The block was a huge concrete square that we would all sit on watching the traffic that came in and out. Also we could see when cops came and could warned people that were in the back of the apartments. It was one way in out apartments and one way out. So really we controlled the mood of the day just sitting there. Even if you had nothing to do, you would just "post" up there and chill, laugh and talk.
As I sat their, I had about 5 blistex tubes in my pocket worth about 1800, police swooped in from the slide of the corner store. From that view, you couldn't really see who would be approaching. Their were three police cars (sheriff, they were the only cops that came to our apartments) and they all hopped out, guns drawn and all. It was about 4 people there with us, my cousin, brother and some random dudes. They had us all place our hands on the concrete except for my brother Tank (that's his nickname). Tank had so much respect to the point where if they were to disrespect him, they would lose that respect from people in that neighborhood....making their visits a little uncomfortable.
One of the cops came over to me as the others got my cousins and guys that were there with us. He asked me, "do you live here" and I said "yes", then he asked "do you have any weapons on you" and I said, "no". Clearly he didn't approach me wanting to know any of those things. I began to get a little nervous because I was only 15 and never had any run ins with police at that time. Then as he was asking the questions, he began to empty my pockets. He pulled out all 5 blistex tubes and put everything on the concrete slab in front of me. I had some money, gum, wallet and blistex tubes. He was looking for what was in those tubes but I guess he never thought to look. But, he did say "damn you must get real dry lip" and I was like "yes sir". Then he told us to leave the block and go home.
I decided at that moment that I didn't want to sell crack anymore. It was too much risk and I was on the path to be the first to graduate out of 5 of my mothers kids. Also, I didn't want to let my mother down. Later that night my uncle Kenneth seen me and told me to "come here". I came over where he was at, and while beer was in his right hand, he switched it into his left hand and hugged me with the right arm. He looked down at me with a smirk on his face and said that he got some barbecue waiting on me.
He understood what he was trying to tell me earlier, I had learned and he didn't have to worry about that anymore. He couldn't protect or warn me about everything...somethings he just had to show me a better way to do it even if it was wrong. That was proven years later. He taught me a lot indirectly and still to this day I appreciate him and everything he did. He was a person that I felt close to that I wasn't that close to. I absolutely regret to say that Kenneth Turk died of aids on December 12, 2009.
As I sat in San Jose Ca. on that day, I cried.
God put people in your life or path that will kind of pull that wheel slightly to the left or right....but they allow you to still have control.
(As I look to heaven) Unc, just like I spoke to you through my mom as u laid on your bed....hours before you died...you taught me how to hustle smart...and I can honestly say...its looks like its paying off.
Thank you!
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