"Husbands and Wives"

While sitting in the park watching couples interact and laugh, I reflect on what i really see. Things on the outside looks great. Its almost like the model that seems to have every man drooling and get exclusive access to places because of her beauty but is torn in the inside. No stability, no comfort, no certainty. As i looked at the couples, i found out that there is a deeper problem in society today...that's understanding. Let me explain further...

If you were to get into your car (a reliable source of commuting too and fro) and notice that the gas is low...the next decision you would make is where is the nearest gas station. You would mentally prepare yourself for what is necessary for you to continue to be able to enjoy your vehicle without any mechanical interruptions. You would not only know WHERE to go to get this, but also HOW LONG it would take you to get there and also HOW MUCH you will put in. Now, go along with me...If this is something that you RELY on daily and you DEPEND on it, why don't we put this much work into our lives and heart?

I began to look at the ways we communicate as male and females. I understand that if being approached by a male saying "ay psssss, ay let me holla at you" shouldn't get your attention but in some cases it does. While the gentleman way of an approach, "Excuse me, i couldn't help but notice your presence...my name is (handshake)" seems to only exist in novels or romance movies. See these are things that society has deemed as "weak" or "no game". Why must a real man need game to not game a real woman? When does the genuine person get introduced?

Then i began to look at the way we view one another. We normally go for the "look" of a person instead of what we cant see. IF FAITH IS THE THINGS THAT ARE HOPED FOR BUT NOT SEEN, (and that's the greatest belief to have) WHY CANT THE UNSEEN IN A MAN OR WOMAN BE THE GREATEST FOR YOU? We get stuck on "how he makes me feel" (which last as long as your tweet or update on facebook) "he makes me smile" (is smiling what your really doing, or being entertained) "he doesn't judge me" (in relationships judgement is a form of correction) "her body is soo sexy" (give it some time, it fades) "she makes feel like the man" (so you want someone who feeds your ego)....all these things i just named are natural...can be seen.

Then we get into the POTENTIAL of a person. The "he/she has a great heart" or "they are really sweet people". Then you have a lot of people who aren't single, but really are. Their relationship is a reflection of what they want instead of what they need. We fall in love with the very idea of loving someone and make it work. Example: I was driving days ago and i suffered a blown tire. I make my way to a tire store that told me that, that tire for my rims would cost me $180. I said, "what, you gotta be kiddin me". Then he said, "now we have another tire in the back that's used, it has minor damage but it will work". I began to think about it...i thought well i do want to get rid of my rims and get some new ones so i wont have the tire for long so yeah. I then say, "aight how much yall go hit me fo", "ummmm $30 dollars out the door". I say, "cool lets do it". I had the money but didnt want to spend it because of a THOUGHT.

Its just like relationship expectations....we put people (used tire) in our lives that only suppose to be there for a while but MAKE them work. When in fact, we could have just gotten the new tire. True, it would be a sudden change, a momentary discomfort, a little wait but it would have been brand new...with A WARRANTY. Making something work instead of working for it to work is societies definition of a "happy home" or "healthy relationship". We constantly say, "im tryn to make it work"...is good when the intent is there. When i say intent, i mean heart...when i say heart...i mean God. Now correct me if im wrong, the bible says, "Only God knows the heart". So, if God is the only person that knows the heart...how can our intent be there when he isn't present?

I once said in a song "If im really that good, or really that great, then why am i from the hood and feel like death is my fate/ then he (God) said wait, i died to give you life and a great one...you didnt have patience so you made one...that was your fault"!

See we act on our own accounts and then want to ask God to fix it. Can a doctor sew back on an arm and make it fully operational once its been severed? Can you put air in a basketball and expect it to work perfectly if it has a gash in it? No, we have to not call on God AFTER...the fall but call on him BEFORE the triumph.

I once again said in a song "I know you wanna ask him (God) where yo life at, woman where yo man at and men where you wife at...his love will take you where they flying them kites at but yo faith is where they spend saturday nights at, the club/ sin got you like a drug so you bypass a MAN and spend yo life with a SCRUB"

Women go for that man that "has alot in common with me" and men goes for that woman that "don't run her mouth as much". These things are standards set by society. Actually they are lowered standards if you really think about it. I asked a person once, "if i was sick or down and didn't know what to do, what would you do"? She said, "I would pray for you, OUT LOUD". Just imagine what the answer would be from a God sent, God fearing woman.

I didn't write this to make anyone feel less of a person because of how they think or who they are with, but i have been noticing the increase in failed relationships. Its time we stop pointing the finger and start looking at ourselves...you could be establishing a life of ruin based on "happiness". The bible does say, "seek happiness" but it also says "there is a time to cry", do we go around crying all day? There is an order in which things should be done.

So, that man you see around that has that great personality or that woman that you see that has that great body...could be yours if you obey the word. God said, "i will give you the DESIRES of your heart" but he also said, "do not be unequally yoked". He also said "he that finds a wife, finds a good thing" but he also said "a quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm". One scripture sums this up "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added to you". There you have it!!

When dealing with relationships, you are dealing with another being, another soul, another spirit...God has the answers.

I heard a person say, "imma jus do me for a while" or "im tryn to find myself". You cant "do you" or "find yourself" if God is not involved. If we were created in his likeness and image, only he can help us find ourselves...we came from him ORIGINALLY. In that time of confusion, God wants you alone...all to him so he has time to work on you. You ever wonder why when you are at your weakest...Mr. "great" comes along...then turns out not so great...its deception by the enemy. The enemy uses anger to show us "avenues" and we take them and damage ourselves more. The bible says that the enemy is NOW ATTACKING THE MIND. The way we think, the way we view things, people and life. Don't be confused by this...the bible will give you guidance.

If you are just patient, wait on God and obey....God will give you your desires....he promised it and God don't lie.

"Three Church Services"

Its Saturday night, I'm finding it hard to sleep. Maybe it was because of the nap i took earlier or maybe the fact that when my daughter is on my mind, i pray until i fall asleep. But regardless of what it was i had to be up the next morning for a 9:45am church service. Waking up through the night periodically and praying myself to sleep, i learned that even that would become a task in itself. I woke up, grabbed my phone and time reads 7:13am...then i go back to sleep thinking, "I got one more hour". I wake up again, grab my phone and the time reads 8:07am...at that point i just lay there and removed the thought of going back to sleep. I had gotten invited to a service by a friend so i really wanted to be there. I asked my nephew (which has become my son) to go with me like most places i go. I didn't know today it would change the way i view church entirely.

Jumping out of bed like i normally do, i call over to my nephew and tell him, "Ay get ready bro, we outta hea in a minute". He slowly pulls his 14 year old 6'0 frame out of bed and staggers his way to the bathroom. I get ready and then i edge his hair line up. I always feel that looking good is not only a physical thing but it affects you mentally as well. Plus he always talks about how i cut my hair every 3 days lol. So as I'm finishing up, i have on some jean pants, black dress shoes, black dress shirt, tie and vest. I walk into the room and my nephew has on jean pants, black shoes, black dress shoes, tie and vest. I gave a little smirk and said, "you look fly bro, lets move around".

Honestly, i didn't have alot growing up and didn't officially wear my first tie until i was about 25. My nephew does alot of what i do so i be sure to explain to him difficult things and allow him to understand things that would seem simple but important. We get to the church and the atmosphere was so different. First of all, this church was huge. It was so big, it had its own tour guide. People were rolling in and people were rolling out like watching a gathering on TV in fast forward. They had free donuts and coffee, there own Starbucks style set up and also a store, a upstairs visiting center and a info desk. I felt like Will Smith in Men In Black, well and it was a predominately Caucasian church so (shrug). As people are walking around in cargo shorts and tees, i start to feel like i overdressed. I was standing by the info desk and a lady comes up and says, "love the vests, i didn't get the memo" lol. We all start to laugh and she introduces herself and she was so friendly and welcoming. Told me, "If its anything you need let me know" she points upstairs and say "that's my office up there, if you would like a tour after service, stop by". I already felt like i had been there before and not those first time feels that you get. As we are walking into the service, a lady at the entrance of that door greets us. She hands us a pencil and a "Listening Guide". This Guide was a four page fold out pamphlet that helps the members go along with the message. It had fill in spot where you could fill in scriptures as the service progressed. I walk in take my seat in the upper level and become more comfortable than i ever had been in church. This place, had no dress code, no particular way to look, they had drinks in the service area, and they teach instead of Preach. Some people need to be taught, others could use a little preaching. The service ends, i was invited to lunch but had to decline because i had a second church service to go to that started at 11:15am. I get in the car and my nephew says, "I like it here, its different but i like it". Understandingly so, i cut my GPS on and head to the next church.

As we are pulling up, this church is alot smaller than the church we just left, not one Caucasian attends the church and "dressing up" is unspoken but mandatory. Parking my car on the grass near a ditch, i get out and walk into the church. Upon opening the door to go in, i hear the old door hinge sound as i slowly pull it open. I push my way through the swing doors shortly ahead and take my seat in the seating. It was about 30 people total in the service including the kids. There was a huge age gap between the ages though. The oldest was in their 70's or 80's and the youngest was about 7. It was like 6 teenagers and 4 people in their 20's. The feel was a bit different, they preached there as well. The examples given in the message were those of whom attend....example: "When you text in church or talk in church or play in church, you are not tuned into God". That message had to have been geared towards the 6 teenagers and the 4 twenty year olds. Shortly after hearing that, i receive a text message being invited to another church. I respond back, "ok imma slide thru for a min". Politely i get up and make my way out to my car. My nephew comes along as well. He gets in the car and says, "Unc im glad we leaving". I say, "its all good nephew".

I GPS my third church and began to go. I pull up into this church, the concrete is un level and just parking would seem to be damaging to your suspension. I park anyway, God is the purpose after all. As i walk up the handicap ramp i notice a sign on the door and its an under construction sign. Its stating that there are areas in the church that are under construction, please be aware. I walk in, noticing its only about 12 people total and that's including the pastor. The person that invited me wasn't even there. Sitting down, immediately i felt the feel of abandonment. They took up offering, unfortunately this was my third time giving offering so it wasn't as much as i gave at the first church. As I'm dropping the money in the plate, i couldn't help but notice the small amount of money that was given. I used to go to the church as a kid so the people that were there knew me but were too ashamed to even look at me and speak. That church preached as well. This church message was more so about current events...example: "Did you hear about the woman in NY that drowned herself and her three kids? Did you see whats happening in other countries, you need to get your lives right. Look at your neighbor and say, i don't wanna go to hell". My nephew attempts to make the moment better, he looks at me and says, "Unc i don't wanna go to hell, i heard its hot" lol. I laugh but understood what he was doing. About 15 minutes into the service, i feel nothing at all and decide to leave. I walk out, wave at the pastor and get into my car.

Now you may be wondering as to why im sharing this with you, but the significance of the three churches are us as people. Some of us are like the first church with not only the appearance of perfection but also the strive and progress for it. Some are like the second church, focusing on people around you and completely detaching yourself away from people even yourself. Then some are like the third church, clearly on your last leg and don't know what to do to fight yourself back in the game.

Today i realized that a great church home, is very important to who you are as a person. Even if you visit this place once a week. You see, we are spiritual beings, we are born and created in the likeness and image of God who communicates with us through the spirit. If your spirit is not being refreshed, not being renewed, not being increased, you start to notice it right away. You start to have self issues, relationship issues, home issues, job issues, financial issues and the list goes on. But when you are in a spiritual place with God, you not only feel but know everything is going to be just fine. God embeds in your spirit visit after visit a peace that surpass all understanding.

One church i went to because i was invited, the other because my family attends it and the other because its been a while since i had gone. You the person, have to figure out what church is best for you. Your "church" is not only your being, but also where your worship. Allow yourself to be increased and grow in the Lord.

It seems like relationships are the biggest problems today, and you can look at it that way as well. There are some that seem perfect and working towards that. There are some that are detached but trying to make it work the best way possible. Then there is the ones that hang on and are really over. As long as we choose our church or relationship, we will continue to get our responses and outcomes. But, when we allow God to spiritually make that decision for us....we increase.

Mark 10:9 NIV "Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate".