Today is new years day!!! The first day of 2011 and the beginning of my future. When i sat down to write, i wanted so badly to go into detail of how i have been lied on, cheated, broken, lied to, double teamed, laughed at, made fun of and left all alone. But, i have been home in Houston 6 days now and i cant begin to tell you how really happy i am. I still miss my daughter dearly and my heart is with her but the hard part of my life is over and now its time to focus on my future and present.
I received so many calls, emails, texts and voice mails from people. Its alot of encouragement going into 2011 for me. I'm glad to say that i am completely a new person and only time will reveal what i really mean but I'm glad and thanking God for the change. Honestly on the road driving from Cali to Houston, i was so discouraged and let down, but when i got here...i was overwhelmed by the amount of love and support my family greeted me with. I haven't seen them in a year and they welcomed me back...emotionally as well. No one asked what happened...because i didn't express my personal life with them, they just told me to get some sleep and food, and they would be waiting on me when i woke up.
My brother, he drove with me down from Cali and i can say how real of a person he is. Not just because he is my brother, but because he never took sides neither did he influence any decisions i made. I appreciate the values and morals that have been instilled in us and i cant wait to teach my daughter the same things. Cutting off the light, looking back into an empty apartment that i called home for 2 and a half years, i said, "Goodbye". I walked down the hallway, into the elevator and got into my car. As i was getting in my car, my brother looks over and say, "We got each other bro". I looked over at him, shook his hand and started off.
People can say they know how i feel or felt but there is a deeper hurt to it all. When private becomes public, its not only humiliating but you feel a sense of betrayal to go along with it. When you relocate for something you believed in, only to find out that as soon as the chance presented itself, your life was changed because of feelings. A person is left to feel that they are not good enough, look good enough, the right size, the right lifestyle, the right look, the right mindset...but you are reminded of how shallow the world could be. I sucked it up as a man and decided to create a life, not only for myself but for my daughter as well. Sometimes you have to be in a physical place to give someone something that is emotional or spiritual. I am now in that place. I have heard the terms, "you running" or "you going to look weak"...regardless of, if either one was the truth...I'm still standing! I took what was meant to be negative and smiled on it, accepted the unbelievable and came to Houston with the last ounce of integrity and dignity i owned. No one can ever say i wasn't a MAN, i was one when i cried and i was one when i was weak.
Words, they are as important as actions. You can say you don't want to be something, only to look at yourself and realize your are exactly what you thought you would never become.
"Sometimes words from softer lips, seem more true" -Ottoe Samuel-
I'm passed it all now, I'm stronger, I'm wiser, I'm better...so much better -Marvin Sapp-
My life is so different now, way better and when my daughter comes, it will be perfect. I cant complain about what God has done and doing. I encourage you to distance yourself from any problem, seek God and watch what happens.
I woke up on Monday the 27th and went to my mom and sisters house and EVERYONE had the same picture of my daughter as a screen saver on their phone. My family only seen my daughter once and i had sent so many pics, it was almost as if they was growing up with her. They couldn't imagine the amount of love i felt with that simple act. I was really taken away but i had forgotten what type of hearts my family have. I ran into friends and everything has been so positive. The food, the weather, the people...make me wonder why i ever left this place...oh that's right...same reason I'm back home. They say, man look for what he wants, but God gives you what you need. Right now I'm "slow boogy", life has slowed down and I'm seeing all my faults and working on them all. I just love the fact that God allows me to see my faults and help me to want to work on them.
Looking at my older sister situation and how she is handling it, lets me know that people still have hearts and family does mean more than just words. God knows what he is doing and i cant wait to see the end!!
"Sometimes you have done so much wrong to a person and you use what you feel to continue to hold them down or out, but its only when you realize that you have far exceeded what they have ever done to you...God will then accept those tears and pain". First hand lesson, "no one ever learns alone"!
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