"Curtain Close"

No one can predict the future neither the things in it. Lost jobs, lost time, lost loves...all play a part of a person future. Its what we decide to do with that future that makes the road that we see ahead...more bearable.

Tonight i had a going away party and out of my guest list of 53 people...about 40 showed up. The spot was packed, i felt like i knew everyone. It was really a change of pace for me as well as humbling. I got to see the reason why so many people respect me and also fear me. While i was standing at the bar ordering a drink (cranberry and sprite, i don't drink) i was looking around at all the smiling faces at me. I heard countless times from women and men tonight about how much they love me and will miss me. People wanted to take pictures, give hugs and even wanted to dance. I got a chance to let loose tonight, so to speak. But i also learned alot!

You see, i grew up in places where communication was key for life or death. So i established a kind of love that was "different" from the norm. There are different types of loves, there is that "i wish you well love" that "i love you with all of me love" that "lets make it work no matter what love" and my love which is "i will die for you love". This type of love came about when i had people in my life that would actually take a bullet for me. Women and men have made that bold statement to me and in certain situations they have proven that they would do just that. So, that is the type of love i learned and the only "kind" i have. People don't understand your heart or where you come from unless they give it a genuine time and effort for the experience to happen.

Tonight, i was shown how much people love me...words, actions and more. Tonight, in a long time, i felt wanted, needed, admired. I felt like my presence was felt. Even when i was leaving, it took me like 15 minutes to make it out the door and then in front of the place 5 minutes more. Kind words goes a long way and with the love i have, i will take that to the grave with me. Through my words, i have helped alot of people and tonight i learned exactly how much i did. People told me of problems they had and conversations months ago helped them get passed it. I am not a normal person, God has put me here for a reason. I think my words will reach many people and tonight i became a new person. A person that doesn't care about words from people so much, a person who is confident in who he is and found out that I'm not only handsome but I'm "sexy" and "take home worthy" (whateva that means lol).

Sometimes people don't know when they have won. When the bell have rung and they are the only ones with gloves still on. When the opposite corner has flowers and they have jabs. I have said and have done somethings that are unforgivable and tonight i have learned to just let go and let God. My problem is, i hold on to people and things so much until it consumes me. I had to look at myself in the mirror and evaluate who i am again. I have been in Cali 3 years and a half but in just 5 days, i have grown up so much....much more than those years. Words will not plague my soul, or shatter my dreams anymore. Words are very powerful and they hurt and they heal and they mend...but the heart has to be right. I have done alot of damage with my words (my actions were always right though) and i don't think a certain situation is worth hoping for or even dwelling on anymore. Words can kick you when your down and also help you up when you need it.

I received a call from a kid (now a grown man) that i mentor, tonight before the party. He just began to speak to me about life and what he is going through. I just started speaking and i felt the intelligence that i was portraying, oozing out of me like it was always there. I touched him verbally when people right next to him couldn't.

Remember to be strong, be confident and let no one dim your light. And, when you think that someone is dictating what you do, it may just be you and not them. Do not give someone so much control until some words on a page or phone can physically have you shaking or crying for that matter. Emotions are easy to touch but the bible says "My child, if your heart is wise, my own heart will rejoice". Be wise, choose words carefully and you will prosper. Its never to late to start over.

Tonight i looked at the life i have lived here and although i have accomplished alot, I'm not pleased with it. I got caught up in the excitement of the area, the lights, the weather and forgot that life is about giving. Giving knowledge, teaching, helping and loving.

After tonight, i began a new part of my life, a new beginning where i am in control, where my words will no longer hurt no one and no one elses words will hurt me.

Job 17:11 "My days are over. My hopes have disappeared. My heart's desires are broken". When i leave Cali, I'm leaving everything here, my guilt, my faults, my pains, my loneliness, my regrets, my downfalls, my short comings, my old life, but most of all, my heart. I will leave it here, that type of heart cant come to Houston with me.

Tonight i bid a farewell to some of the most interesting, beautiful and inspirational group of people i know. You all as a whole has helped me grow as a person and i salute you all for the times, effort, love and attention you have given me. I have pressed the reset button and my heart is elsewhere now.

When i get on the road to Houston, looking back will be like Sodom and Gomorrah, i will damage myself more if i do so....i will leave Cali in Cali.

I think its safe to say that we should have a "Curtain Close".

Love -GS-