I first pose a question to anyone who is about to read this, have you ever liked/loved someone so much until you lost who you were? Well many people have but that is not the issue, the issue is finding out how did it get to that point.
There are relationships today that exist that are so one-sided until the thought of asking for equality is like an insult. Unfortunately, we emotionally hold ourselves hostage in our own fear of change. I researched this topic and realized that the number one reason for broken homes and broken marriages, is based on the idea of "change". What happens is, we get used to a person...the way they talk, live, act, laugh and then its even worse when family is involved. You cant get advice from everyone. That person is you best friend its seems but in reality they are your "hurt". You depend on their opinion and even though you may not even take there advice on something, the thought of what they said is lingering in your head as you take action. You began to look at the "potential" of a person appose to what they actually show you.
I reminded of a term that is universal but not often broken down..."Action Speaks Louder Than Words". Everyone has said this one time or another. In fact, action does speak louder than words but what about when words are louder than actions. Sounds like i just said it backwards but if you really pay attention to the wording you will see that this is what today's society goes by. Let me explain...
When our parents were growing up, it was a "process" called courtship. A courtship is when 2 people (male and female) agree on a period of time in which they would grow fond of one another. The interesting part about courtship that i read was, when it said "its the establishment of an agreed relationship of a more ENDURING kind". This was before the marriage or kids. This was the "dating" process. So back then when you first met a person, expectations were already placed on the relationship unknowingly. That was the "mind state" of a person. Their standards where much higher than now. Enduring (a tolerance of something or someone) was a practice during the process. I wondered why but then i thought, if they were to endure what a person would say or do...they, at that point...would REALLY know who the person was they were with. Their actions spoke louder than their words. WOW!!
Here in this generation we feel like we have it all mapped out because of technology. When in fact, technology is one of the MAIN reasons for most broken homes today. Instead of a call, we text...instead of a kiss, we message a kiss (muah)...instead of a huge, we message a huge (xoxo). Its become impersonal. I have never heard the words "I LOVE YOU" used so much as i do today. We (us, our generation) hang on "titles"....that's my "boo" or "my man" or "my chick". We have become comfortable with a title that was made up and not the actual action of a wife or husband. If you study the times in which social networking was introduced, you would notice a huge increase in divorces and also "emotional distress" cases. Also an increase in depression as well. We corner our partners and say, "tell me you love me" or "tell me something you like about me" when this should to be a daily thing without asking for it. We have gotten away from the essence of what a man's role and a woman's is in a relationship. We hang more on what a person says instead of what they do and become comfortable with that. Their words speaks louder than their actions.
When you wholeheartedly want to please a person or want to make them happy, you do any and everything. You love them when you "feel" they don't love you back. You smile when you don't really want to. You want to be around them but know the feeling isn't mutual. But because you "feel" they could be much better, you love them anyway. No matter how much they ignore you, or how much they treat you wrong...you keep loving. Sometimes you ask yourself, "why"...why am i even doing this. Then one day you get flowers, or a nice message that lights up your day...then its right back to the norm. Have you been that neglected to where FLOWERS make you want to stay? Is the "I Love You" MESSAGE enough to keep you in a place where cant even breathe. You somehow lose the passion for wanting to please yourself and solely focus it on another person. You lose what YOU meant to you, how happy you were with your own company or what it means to really smile and feel it on the inside. You've lost you!
Becoming comfortable with the "amount" of attention you receive from your partner, increase or decrease the amount of happiness. Your partner should know when you want to be hugged or complimented or held. They should know when to console you, when to give your space or comfort you. That's when they invest time in you to know you. Today we only invest in stock, and most of us aren't good at that either. Then your hear a male or female say, "I don't need all that" then months later they aren't together because there was no communication. Where are the expectations today? When did getting the bare minimum from your mate become the norm? Men say they cant find "wifey" and a woman says "aint no mo good men out here". The problem is, you haven't released.
The bible says in Matthews 9:16 "No man putteth a piece of new cloth unto an old garment, for that which is put in to fill it up taketh from the garment, and the rent is made worse".
What happens is, we take our broken relationship into our new one. Maybe you didn't trust your old mate, but you trust your new one. Maybe you weren't really happy in your old relationship but you are happy in this one. Those things are obvious, what about the things that aren't? Like, when they say something you don't like...your reaction is the same as the past relationship. When they say "no", you react like you used to. You may have fixed what you seen, but did you fix what really needed to be fixed. "A piece of new cloth unto an old garment" we are setting ourselves up to fail from the beginning.
There is a "release" that needs to take place within before you can start to see the results that are made clear. You may in fact have a "big heart" or be a "sweet person" but your inside could be damaged from years and years of relationships gone wrong. You are mentally, emotionally and physically stunting your growth. Once you "release", you began all over brand new...from scratch so to speak. This is were Jesus comes into play.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore is any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
We go through this life picking up habits, lifestyles, thoughts, ways to make us "fit in" somehow but forget the most important thing...our relationship with God.
Its time to not only acknowledge that our life has trash in it, but its time to pull all the trash and garbage from ALL areas of our life and toss it out. Ask God for a clean slate, a new beginning filled with expectations and love like he loves. Ask for direction and patience while you wait. The best part about a release is, when its gone...its REALLY gone. Not only you are in awe but the people around you as well.
We often say "I have to go back to my roots" or "find myself", well our root are actually our creator. The only way you can find yourself is finding the being that created you, so he can remind you of who you really are. A person can tell you many great things about yourself but if you the person, don't believe them...their words are without a direction. Would a swimmer practice for a meet on a court with basketball players? No, but this is what we often do. We run to every other source for preparation for life, and forget to go to the one who gave it (God). So in return we get the watered down version of what we really suppose to have in life....and we live with it. Its time out for being "unhappy", treated "regular"...you are a WOMAN/MAN and its time for you to receive what God has for you. Walk in faith!
RELEASE YOURSELF!
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